THINGS TO DO IN FIGGINGTON
The Ferret's Head is open for business again and promises NO MORE SAUSAGE TUMMY
DON'T FORGET to visit the memorial statue of Fergus Fig near the parking bays in the town.
Photos: Brian.
Celebrate Figgington's history and discover the Fig family at this stately home beautifully-restored by The Heritage Trust.
Are you a MEMBER? Howard and Esmé are here to help.<br /><br />
Meet the vicar and stare in wonderment at the enormous bell.
PLEASE BEWARE OF THE TITS!
"The unnecessary demise of Saint Graham"
by Earnest Dangleberry b. 1585.
Sainted Graham walked by blue midsummer moon
And flowers of flame did portend his doom
The Lord did lead him through golden sands
Twixt two snow-cloaked peaks of distant lands
The morn of yellow light and pale
Did alight upon azure tooth and scale
The dragon woke with flames of red
Scorching brown earth black. Saint Graham lay dead
I think we can all agree that the clear lesson of this story is, that not all stories have a clear lesson.
Download her delicious recipe and enjoy a traditional Figgington Plop in the comfort of your own home.
Esmé's Famous Figgington Plops (Makes 8)
110g Dark chocolate
30g Butter
40g Syrup
140g Digestive biscuits (10)
30g Chopped nuts
100g Ready-to-eat dried figsPlace the chocolate, butter and syrup in a bowl in the microwave or over a pan of boiling water. Melt to a puddle.
Place the biscuits into a bag and wallop them until you have fine crumbs (alternatively you can use a food processor).
Cut the figs into small chunks and add to the mixture along with the nuts and finely walloped biscuits.
Combine well with a spoon until you have a firm, but pliable, mixture.
Shape into eight subtly curled logs with your hands. Do not overwork the mixture!
An authentic plop should never be completely smooth.
Leave to firm on greaseproof paper before serving on a doily.
Remember to wash your hands after handling plops.
LOCAL SHOP
Take a trip to the Happy Shoppie local store in the town centre for all your Pick n' Mix needs.
Stealing and graffiti are discouraged.
PUBLIC LIBRARY
The Figgington Public Library has been refurbished after a recent investment from SATAN. It offers all the latest technology in return for your personal data, biometrics and soul.
CHARITY SHOP
Pick up a bargain and help save local wildlife. Next to the pub in town.
Now taking donations!
All toys, clothes, bric-a-brac welcome (no more cassettes or copies of Myst please).
VILLAGE FETE
This annual event takes place in the grounds of Saint Graham's Parish Church and is home to a fine selection of local crafts, baking and, of course, the famous Goosey Wallop!
Don't miss the annual "SWAG GRAB". An auction by the local police force where you can grab yourself some seized evidence, firearms and confidential case files.
THEME PARK
CLOSED INDEFINITELY
